TO BE READ BETWEEN BOOKS THREE & FOUR (HIDE & CHANGE)
(Contains ***SPOILERS*** for ALL of the books in the series!)
We stood in the center of a perfect copse of Aspen trees, each of us in formal clothing that was honestly too hot for summertime, but everyone agreed that what we’d gathered for was important enough to warrant the discomfort. There would be no pictures of the day, no written record, but the change undergone today would be remembered by all present nonetheless.
Jonathan and I stood facing each other, with the pack circled around us and our right hands clasped together. Sheppard stepped forward and placed a warm hand atop ours and nodded to each of us before he looked around at the rest of the pack.
“Today,” he said, “we gather to formally declare that which is known—not that we may make light of it, but that we instead formalize it, giving it the gravitas and power it deserves. Today, we look upon our pack and notice that two of its members are embarking upon a journey of truly epic proportions: one is leaving the only place she has ever called home, and the other is acknowledging that his home is forever tied to another.” He moved his hand under ours and lifted gently, drawing attention to our grasp on one another’s wrist. “Today, we formally affirm Grace Lynn Cartwright as the mate of Jonathan Lee Holt forevermore. Further, we affirm that Jonathan Lee Holt is forever the mate of Grace Lynn Cartwright.”
I sniffled as my chest grew tight and a lump formed in my throat, pushing thoughts of my absent father out of my mind for the fiftieth time that day. I had a new family now.
Sheppard looked between Jonathan and I, giving the two of us a smile as a pulse of calm washed over us. It turned the ratcheting resonance between Kristos and I back down to non-horror-movie levels. I was so nervous to get this right, but knew that even if it was imperfect—as it would likely be, because nothing is perfect—it would still be perfect for us.
“The two of you have come quite a way from the individuals I first met,” Sheppard continued. “And as you have grown to become trusted and valuable members of the pack, the pack has some questions for the two of you.”
I knew it was coming, but it still made me nervous again. What if they asked something I couldn’t agree to? What if they asked something Jonathan wouldn’t agree to? Another pulse of calm from Sheppard and I took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly and shakily as I tried to hold back the happy tears that threatened.
Our alpha gestured to Kristos, who stepped forward and placed his hand upon ours. He looked first at Jonathan, and then met my gaze before nodding once as he pulled a worn strip of leather from his pocket. It was the one he always tied his hair back with.
“These are the hands of your lover,” Kristos said. “And the paws of your partner. Will you etch the vows you speak today onto your very soul, that you may never forget them, even in times of anger and strife?”
“We will,” Jonathan and I said in unison.
Okay, so we might have rehearsed a little. I knew mostly the gist of what the pack would ask, but still. What if they went off-script? Would we still agree? Could we?
Jonathan squeezed my hand and I refocused as Kristos nodded and tied his cord around both mine and Jonathan’s hands. He then stepped aside so that Matt could take his place.
“These are the hands that are strong,” Matt said, pulling a golden cord from his pocket. “And the paws that are stronger. Will you forever use that strength to protect each other, so this asshole doesn’t have to?” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder in Kristos’ direction.
“I will,” Jonathan said, smiling.
“As will I,” I affirmed.
Matt tied his cord around our hands and then nodded to Chastity, who took his place.
“These are the hands that are powerful,” she said, pulling a silver cord from her pocket. “And the paws that are moreso. Will you forever use that power to ease the other’s burdens?”
What a great question. I loved that one probably the most out of all the promises that were rehearsed.
“I will,” I said.
“As will I,” Jonathan said, nodding.
Chastity tied her silver cord around both of our wrists before nodding to Kaylah.
“These are the han’s ‘at provide,” Kaylah said as she took Chastity’s place. “An’ th’ paws ‘n’ claws ‘at c’n do it even when stores can’t.” She pulled out a long strip of antique lace. “Will you nourish each other—mind, body, an’ spirit?”
I looked at Jonathan, and he raised an eyebrow at me. My heart hitched, and then he winked and looked back at Kaylah.
“We will,” he said.
I shook my head with a huff and smiled. “Yes, we will.”
There would never be a dull moment with Jonathan in my life.
Kaylah added her lace to the gold and silver cords before nodding to Daniel, who came and took her place, kissing her temple once he reached her. He put his hand atop ours as he pulled out a strip of brown leather with a tuft of creamy white fur on one end and a tuft of grey fur on the other.
“These are the hands that provide comfort,” he said. “And the fur that reminds you who you are. Will you stand by each other in injury and in health?”
“Gladly,” I said.
“As will I,” Jonathan said.
Daniel tied his strip around the other cords binding our hands together. I began to wonder how on earth we were to extricate ourselves from these knots without untying or breaking them. Jonathan squeezed my hand as Jamie took Daniel’s place.
“These are the hands that know joy,” Jamie said, pulling out another silver cord. “And the paws that will pounce with happiness. Will you forever share in each other’s triumphs and laughter?”
“Of course I will,” Jonathan said.
“As will I,” I said.
Jamie draped his cord over my wrist, but it fell off before he could get it wrapped around Jonathan’s as well. His cheeks colored as he retrieved it, but then he tied it around both of our wrists along with the others.
Imperfect. But perfect for us.
Jamie shrugged at me apologetically, but I simply smiled at him. It didn’t matter. His cord was added. And if it had a little dirt from a copse of aspens near Colorado Springs? Well, good. A little piece of home would always be with me.
My chest grew tight again and the resonance between Kristos and I stretched out of tune again before another pulse of warm calm came from Sheppard.
Ian patted Jamie on the back once as he stepped up and took his place before us.
I was leaving home, sure. But I was also taking home with me in the form of my pack, and my… mate. The tears spilled over then. Jonathan was my mate. This was simply affirming and formalizing it. Jonathan brushed a thumb across the wet streak down my face and gave me a radiant smile that I returned. His eyes were glistening as well, and I was glad we had left a hand free.
“These are the hands that help run,” Ian said, pulling out yet another golden cord. “And the paws that run faster. Will you help each other to never fall behind?”
I looked at Jonathan and then back at Ian. “I will.”
Jonathan said, “I will” at the same time, but then corrected himself. “As will I.”
I’d done an awful lot of running since I met the pack, but this cord and this question reminded me that there would always be someone to run to. To run with. Someone who would be glad to join me.
Ian added his cord to the tangle around our hands and I became certain that the only way we were getting out of this was to shift and hope our paws were smaller.
We then looked to Naiya, who we’d invited to take part if she wanted. She fumbled in her pockets for a moment before pulling out a jet black ribbon.
“I don’t really know either of you well enough to ask something terribly meaningful,” she said, looking at each of us in turn. “But… I guess… Do you promise to always be kind and curious instead of mean and judgemental?”
No these are the hands or these are the paws, just a simple question.
“I’ll… do my best,” I said.
“As will I,” Jonathan added.
She smiled and added her ribbon to the wrappings around our hands before stepping back into the circle of the pack—or, rather, just past the circle, into the shadow of one of the aspens.
Sheppard stepped in then with a thick rope of purple and olive green. He must have had it custom wound just for this. “These are the hands of your best friend.” He put his hand atop ours. “And the paws of the pack. Will you forever remind each other to dream? To love? To live?”
Forever. That’s a long long time. And yet, not long enough.
“We will,” Jonathan and I said in unison.
“Good,” Sheppard said, wrapping the rope around all of the cords and lace and leather multiple times before tying it off.
“Now, before I free your hands,” he said. “I understand the two of you have chosen vows of your own.”
“We have,” I said, using my free hand to pull a folded piece of paper from the pocket of my skirt.
Jonathan gestured for me to go first, and I nodded, my chest suddenly tight again. The resonance between Kristos and I had settled into a beautiful chord, but it now strained to keep its pitch. Another pulse of calming energy from Sheppard had it back to its beauty, though my voice cracked as I tried to speak.
I cleared my throat and tried again, looking at Jonathan and falling into those intense green eyes like I had the day I’d first met him. I didn’t need the paper, I’d read it probably a million times.
“I am yours, as you are mine,” I said. Mine, echoed my wolf. “My life is forever—” My voice cracked again and Jonathan squeezed my hand. I swallowed around the joyful tears. “My life is forever bound to yours, as yours is to mine.” I sniffled. “My joy shall always be yours, as yours will always be mine, and—unfortunately—my sorrow as well. But together, we will make mischief and love and dreams and life. Because there is—” My voice cracked yet again. Jonathan reached out a hand to wipe the trail of happy tears making their way down my cheek. “There is no me without you,” I whispered.
He nodded and held my gaze as he steadfastly repeated, word-for-word, minus the breaks, the entire passage I’d just said to him. He hadn’t needed the paper either, and I reached a hand to brush the tear that rolled down his face as he gave me a radiant smile bigger than any I’d seen on him.
Kaylah sniffled and Daniel hugged her to him as Sheppard nodded at the two of us. He put both hands on the cords then, pushing the ends toward the middle.
“Like the full moon that made you whole,” he said, “may your love be a guiding light. Like the earth beneath your paws, may your love forever ground you.” He nodded his indication that we could release our hands and he held the cords in place until we were free.
I was wrong. Because we had clasped hands at the wrists, there was space enough that we didn’t need to shift to regain the use of our hands.
“And now,” he said, placing the cords in a wooden box Kaylah brought to him, “by the power that is mine as Alpha, I formally declare Jonathan Lee Holt and Grace Lynn Cartwright mates. Let no one—man, wolf, or otherwise—come between them and their love.” He smiled at both of us. “You may now kiss your mate.”
Jonathan’s mouth crashed against mine, or perhaps mine crashed into his. In either case, our first kiss as proper mates was possessive and eager and altogether perfect.
Mine.
And I could have sworn I heard it echoed in every beat of Jonathan’s heart.